whatever happened to the friendships we always try to maintain?

sometimes i get really sick of trying to show someone i really care about how much i really do care.
sometimes i get so afraid of getting hurt and betrayed from the very people i love and have grown to trust.
sometimes it's just this fear of rejection.
sometimes it's this cry-out-loud for some attention from people you have grown to hang out with.
then it hits you hard when you're at the loneliest point of your life, that none of the people you truly care about and do love was ever there for you. it seems we exist with each other for the fun of it, and when the "high" ceases to exist, or dissipates, all we are are just empty shells that do not have the capacity to go way out or even just an extra mile for each other.

we turn our faces away so easily. we get mad at one another so quickly. we choose to hear the bad thigs from the mouths of third parties so readily. we choose to defend ourselves more than the friends we used to care about so hastily. we lose each other all the more so abruptly.

sometimes it's saddening to know and to makes ourselves learn that we might never just meet someone who really loves us, at all.