i feel weird nowadaes.. like... is it me? or is everything too perfect? there's this "smth's-brewing-and-it's-gonna-hit-me-hard" feeling i've been feeling.. and nowadaes i keep thinking bout wad life really is too.. and last night when mummy told me a touching story.. i really begin to wonder wad am i really doing in life...it's not just a plain somebody-out-there-is-in-dire-straits-and-we-gotta-do-our-part-to-help-them kinda thing.. it feels like something more.. and listening to it makes me feel for such ppl but i feel more fearful of what can happen anytime.. maybe a single piece of news can hit you hard and drive you nuts.. i keep thinking and thinking los.. even tis morning i also wake up so early.. like i would've slept till 12nn sharp (cos i hardly make it beyond tt...)... but i suddenly jump outta bed todae when i slept for only 4 to 5 hrs... den i suddenly got myself busy.. like check email.. reply ppl (like i gave up my beautifuuuul bow-front denim dress cos the bf encourages me to spend less liaos..) and den check my bank acct.. den switched on the heater to prepare to bathe later... have i ever told anyone...? i sometimes haf this feeling that suddenly hits me and leave me stony for a few daes...? it's those kinda feeling like.. hmm picture this: there's a real disaster pending.. and fire's alr shoving you off your house and u gotta escape real fast!! or even like some crazy psychotic chasing after you and wanting to stab you to death but you can't control your movements nor can you make it anyfaster... your movements are like tired.. and you're feel nothing more urgent than taking-your-own-sweet-time and you're moving so f-ing-slow you're so gonna die... then when you finally manage to make a move to leave the tragic place.. you pass someone holding her loved one in her arms and not moving a single inch to leave the place.. everything slows down again.. you see that person also moves reaaaaalllllly slowly.. and finally she knows she cant escape along with you she just smiles and hold on to her loved one more tightly (as if you'll be teleported off the scene of trauma by doing that...) ... yahhhh... it's this feeling.. and it's scary... sometimes i'll get this sorta nightmare... and i remember it really clearly cos it happens often sometimes.. i also dunno how to feel now.. but like... you cant help feeling so desperate but there's nothing you can do if things really wanna turn their backs on you that can leave you feeling helpless.. i feel sad for this life los.. but it happens to everyone.. i dont know wad i'm afraid to lose... but i know i'll feel damn sad when sweet things end on an abruptly bad note..it's like u wanna prevent some things from coming before you and telling you straight in the face "it's over" but how? cant stop bad things from happening... cant make things stay for you.. the world doesnt stop spinning for you... even your loved one can leave you... it's scary los... envying the person who held on to her loved one so tightly even when disaster hits.. like nothing would ever change no matter wad... but it scares me too.. like we're all selfish.. nobody can ever be trusted for words like"will stay by your side forever and ever.." when things happen.. tey only blame it on circumstances.. will they think bout the beautiful times in the past?? no.. they only seek like temporary fresh thrills before they move on to another prey and another prey and another prey... hmm *stones again* see.. this is wad i mean. i stone here and there los. hmm i guess i should bathe liao.. and change my stoning venue. *off to bathroom*