you should just stop making me wanna forgive you that easily

coincidentally you have gone overseas. you sounded concerned as to why i'm not home but i dont know if you meant it out of love. and i replied courteously only to say "tc and i love u" when i didnt quite mean it, i think. it's a funny relationship that i have with the very people who are supposed to be the closest to me.. and i dont plan to do anything bout it..because i dont know what fixes it in the first place. afterall.. it's been a good 10 years. "he must really feel like shit how his only daughter has grown to hate him for his misdeeds and there's nothing he can do anymore to fill that gap.." tt's what a bestie told me before.. i dont deny that i might be making you feel like shit. but you made me feel like fuck for 10 years. what is this little moment of regret to you?? have i ever given you two tight slaps in the face for nothing?? have i ever picked on you and driven you THROUGH the wall?? have i ever made you cry through the nite?? have i ever threatened you such that you didnt dare to go home?? have i ever driven you to whack your head with a laptop?? but the aftermath of this all is that i feel happy over a stupid pathetic sms from YOU. wtf is wrong with me?? i thought i hated you??? i really really do. and i know that sms was because you wanted to drag me for cny visiting to save your face. and fine i'd do that favour for you, pathetico..