Its thursday and i expected myself to feel much better from the strenuous battle against this fever that i've gotten out of nowhere. Just days ago, i thought i was leading the kinda life want - doing anything and everything i like, hanging out with the kinda friends that make you laugh away your deepest unhappiness. we dont exactly share our sorrows, but at least we do a good job of concealing it and feeling better about it as long as we just... laughed. i havent seen my frens for days and i actually missed the house party and movie for A Team )): but either way.. i actually miss my bestie in korea even more. we didnt have to always do the most exciting things, but we always had each other's company and even the simplest activities made me feel comforted. i miss that feeling, somehow, it felt safer than being with anyone else. with a boyfriend, i'm always afraid of getting hurt and getting betrayed, and not surprisingly, my fears always turn out to be real. i'm tired of having to entertain people and even make sacrifices for them when they only took you for granted.
for the first time ytd i cried by myself to sleep without even wanting anyone to comfort me. i admit.. im very heartbroken and hurt by the things that have happened, including the maddening fact that i actually fell for your ploys over and over and over again. i feel so pathetic, i just wanted to die.
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