it was the longest night.. couldve been better spent at Play supporting my dearest cousin in Androhunt. but sometimes we stay at one spot for a reason... and without havin to wait long, i knew why i needed to stop in my tracks of dressing up, and just face the things that have been left on the shelf for too long.
honestly, i'm probably sick because of feeling sadness for many things. people i've lost, people who abandoned me, lied to me and neglected me. worst of all, i'm even blamed for my own unknowing existence in this predicament. i had to run away. i felt myself losing everything. losing every logic and sanity. then like always, i would hide in a deserted stairwell and feel those tears rolling off my cheeks profusely. they just wont stop. the pain, the memories so dear to me, the feeling of loss, the grievances of being betrayed, they wont quit repeating their tracks in my head. and everytime they each send me a kick in the gut, i start to understand why my friend had to use those external effects. the next thing i know, i'm kinda wondering where that little matchstick box is.. i just wanna throw up, every inner demon making me suffer so much for so long.
then, you would give me a hug, and tell me u couldn't let me go, even more than i wanted to let myself go. then you would tear and tell me you tried but you just cant forget about me, as opposed to what my inner voice wanted to say - i, too, tried but i cant find anymore reasons to not let myself go.. somehow your words must have been stronger than that inner demon calling out to me, and for a moment, for a long time since, i felt peaceful.. i felt like i was back to that day we first met. the day we both were too young to understand why people change, and why we cannot accept each other for who we were.
now that we're both different... could we still go back to that same note...?
i dont really care.... i just wanna watch the same stars at that beautiful pier, where we hung our feet open at the ledge, and not be afraid to fall because we would catch each other in time....
chanced upon an old photo with my bestfriends ting and js. i kinda miss my black hair. and my old self.
am i really different now...??
honestly, i'm probably sick because of feeling sadness for many things. people i've lost, people who abandoned me, lied to me and neglected me. worst of all, i'm even blamed for my own unknowing existence in this predicament. i had to run away. i felt myself losing everything. losing every logic and sanity. then like always, i would hide in a deserted stairwell and feel those tears rolling off my cheeks profusely. they just wont stop. the pain, the memories so dear to me, the feeling of loss, the grievances of being betrayed, they wont quit repeating their tracks in my head. and everytime they each send me a kick in the gut, i start to understand why my friend had to use those external effects. the next thing i know, i'm kinda wondering where that little matchstick box is.. i just wanna throw up, every inner demon making me suffer so much for so long.
then, you would give me a hug, and tell me u couldn't let me go, even more than i wanted to let myself go. then you would tear and tell me you tried but you just cant forget about me, as opposed to what my inner voice wanted to say - i, too, tried but i cant find anymore reasons to not let myself go.. somehow your words must have been stronger than that inner demon calling out to me, and for a moment, for a long time since, i felt peaceful.. i felt like i was back to that day we first met. the day we both were too young to understand why people change, and why we cannot accept each other for who we were.
now that we're both different... could we still go back to that same note...?
i dont really care.... i just wanna watch the same stars at that beautiful pier, where we hung our feet open at the ledge, and not be afraid to fall because we would catch each other in time....
chanced upon an old photo with my bestfriends ting and js. i kinda miss my black hair. and my old self.
am i really different now...??
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